Friday, February 13, 2009

I'm Not Sure You're Supposed To Do That.

Here's an excerpt of a very recent conversation between my oldest princess and myself in which I explain to her that I'm trying to decide which of my offspring to eat for dessert. This threat is a daily threat with no actual backing, but it's fun to watch them squirm when I announce I plan to eat one of them. Here goes...

King Isepik: I'm trying to decide which one of my daughters to eat.
Pink Princess: [stops what she's doing and turns to look at me]
KI: I'm trying to decide if I should eat the oldest one or the youngest one -
PP: [blink]
KI: the tallest one or the shortest one. Perhaps I'll go with the one with the most visible teeth.
PP: That's me because Purple Dragon just lost a tooth.
KI: Maybe, but I can see the tooth that's replacing the one she just lost as well as the one that will replace the loose one she still has, so she has the most visible teeth.
PP: [blink]
KI: Maybe, I'll go with the one with the longest hair.
PP: [throwing the Queen under the bus - points] That would be Mommy.
KI: She's not my daughter.
PP: [blink]
KI: I can't go with the one who is the cutest, because I'd have to eat you both.
Queen: [interjecting herself into the conversation] Make sure whichever one you eat has the cleanest nose to cut down on the number of boogers you have to eat.
PP: [begins furiously blowing snot bubbles with her nose to increase the number of boogers in her nose]
KI: [I'm not sure you're supposed to do that] I'm not hungry...

I guess this means I'm not meant to eat either of them tonight.

Anyway, to those of you out there who are planning on celebrating tomorrows FAKE, MADE-UP, MARKETING PLOY - I say: Happy Valentine's Day. Please pardon me while I don my all black garb for the day and retch in the corner. To the rest of you, please join me in wearing black tomorrow in protest of fake holidays everywhere. :)

This post was brought to you by the letters V, D, and the number 14.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

The Kingdom of Sick

Our kingdome is full of sick folk. One princess has Strep, the other has Pneumonia, The Queen thinks she has a cold, and the King (that's me) has a virus of some sort that floored me this morning. Hopefully, my high powered immune system will kick in and this thing will be over in just a few more hours.

Anyway, that's the deal today.

This post was brought to you by the letters V, I, R, U, S, and the number 4.